Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
