do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
