i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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