He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
