If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
