Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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