Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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(613): View more from Ontario

The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.

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(407): View more from Florida

Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.

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(404): View more from Georgia

He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...

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(361): View more from Texas

Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?

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(302): View more from Delaware

I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime

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(208): View more from Idaho

I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.

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