getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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