I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
