It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
