I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
