Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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