I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
