i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
