Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
