one two three fourrrrnication!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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