How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
