I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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