you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
