You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
