I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
