he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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