He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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