There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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