we have officially lost it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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