I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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