yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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