Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
