why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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