you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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