I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize