I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills