Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.

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  (757): DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT? (703): I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear. http://tfl.nu/5lvm
  Replies (37) Good night (2947) Bad night (1034)
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  (408): View more from California

  she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again

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  (408): she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again http://tfl.nu/k557
  Replies (41) Good night (650) Bad night (5825)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?

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  (313): ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too? http://tfl.nu/07vv
  Replies (67) Good night (659) Bad night (2640)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete

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  (309): Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete http://tfl.nu/n4gc
  Replies (36) Good night (6286) Bad night (1234)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.

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  (952): i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right. http://tfl.nu/wcm0
  Replies (46) Good night (5638) Bad night (2138)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.

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  (843): I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship. http://tfl.nu/ax7l
  Replies (33) Good night (1559) Bad night (3066)
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  (415): View more from California

  handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond

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  (415): handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond http://tfl.nu/umuj
  Replies (19) Good night (2524) Bad night (1087)
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  (707): View more from California

  And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.

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  (707): And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope. http://tfl.nu/sve4
  Replies (13) Good night (1437) Bad night (4130)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays

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  (913): Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays http://tfl.nu/wo2m
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (1147)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.

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  (260): ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me. http://tfl.nu/9s81
  Replies (4) Good night (1310) Bad night (904)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on

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  (812): Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on http://tfl.nu/glb4
  Replies (4) Good night (1531) Bad night (703)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

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  (616): Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on http://tfl.nu/xayw
  Replies (10) Good night (1381) Bad night (517)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.

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  (563): I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word. http://tfl.nu/iv5v
  Replies (9) Good night (959) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.

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  (303): Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair. http://tfl.nu/ft15
  Replies (5) Good night (827) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  YOU ARE MY HERO

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  (609): I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet... (856): YOU ARE MY HERO http://tfl.nu/qvso
  Replies (8) Good night (733) Bad night (399)

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