how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo