Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again

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(810): I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again http://tfl.nu/f45r

Replies (1) Good night (1671) Bad night (562)
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(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3

Replies (509) Good night (87909) Bad night (9311)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.

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(303): I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine. http://tfl.nu/vmvb

Replies (2) Good night (2550) Bad night (616)
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(310): View more from California

u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.

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(310): u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened. http://tfl.nu/5zha

Replies (33) Good night (7357) Bad night (1270)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.

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(248): Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in. http://tfl.nu/0n5k

Replies (19) Good night (1255) Bad night (4123)
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(317): View more from Indiana

she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.

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(317): she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch. http://tfl.nu/cail

Replies (51) Good night (1221) Bad night (5753)
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(619): View more from California

You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...

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(619): You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one... http://tfl.nu/h6us

Replies (13) Good night (3745) Bad night (1972)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.

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(724): It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me. http://tfl.nu/9spl

Replies (7) Good night (3894) Bad night (841)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong

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(575): If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong http://tfl.nu/8y01

Replies (12) Good night (860) Bad night (5123)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.

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(847): I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet. http://tfl.nu/wpea

Replies (2) Good night (2154) Bad night (1655)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.

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(303): I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us. http://tfl.nu/59u4

Replies (10) Good night (1935) Bad night (614)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted

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(401): remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted http://tfl.nu/rrq3

Replies (7) Good night (1497) Bad night (569)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.

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(402): At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket. http://tfl.nu/qyc9

Replies (3) Good night (825) Bad night (867)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.

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(443): I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again. http://tfl.nu/sx09

Replies (1) Good night (686) Bad night (415)
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(949): View more from California

Amanda bynes is my spirit animal

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(949): Amanda bynes is my spirit animal http://tfl.nu/eohy

Replies (2) Good night (765) Bad night (539)

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