I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
