textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize