He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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