Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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