I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
