Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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