a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
