Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
