I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
