my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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