return my video game
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
