yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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