Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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