Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
