I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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