I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm passing your future prison.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize