areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
