You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
