she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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