I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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