We named our party play list daddy issues
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
