I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
