carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
