Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
