go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
