You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
