you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
