Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
