Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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