I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
