Your dad touched me again.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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