You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
do nipples grow back?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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