I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
