Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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