i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
