you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
