so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
