Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
