I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize