I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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