Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
