dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
