i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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