So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize