ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
