wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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