saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My vagina is officially offended.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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