I hope my margaritas pass through security.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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