I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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