I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
