I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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