I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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