I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
