in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
